i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
