She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All the doctor said was why
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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