I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
