I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
