Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
