Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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