Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
