I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
