I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
