When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
