im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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