Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
