not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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