Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
