I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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