Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
