He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
