watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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