at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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