he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
