Duck Duck Cougar?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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