hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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