My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
