The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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