Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
