Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
