i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
