Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
