wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
