Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
