I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
