I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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