He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
