i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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