she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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