lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
