Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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