That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
