he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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