We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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