Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
