There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
