Already got asked if we're dating
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
