Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
