I love black thongs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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