I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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