i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
