apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
