all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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