Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
