you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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