he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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